I am an ass.
Last year, I moved from being a consultant and technology analyst to being the infrastructure manager for a company. I quickly turned into an ass, discounting everyone's opinions as to what could be done to improve processes and increase the stability of the infrastructure. I would give only lip service to listening to their suggestions.
I was very afraid of the economic situation gripping the country and feared losing this good job I had recently found. My fear bred suspicion in every comment heard and the source of every suggestion made. If I lent credence to anyone else's opinion or idea, then my value would be diminished and there would be no reason to keep me. I was so afraid of losing my job that I forgot to do my job.
I have managed to alienate most of the people in my department. When my peer drew me into the conference room and unloaded on me that I was doing a very bad job, that no one liked working with me, whether on my team, other teams, or in the company at large, I refused to take responsibility for what they were telling me. Instead, I blamed them for exaggerating, further fueling my paranoia.
Recently, I realized that I was out of control and instead of launching a scathing eMail back in response to what I felt was an attack on my power and position, I asked someone else to look over the eMail and asked their opinion.
I was fortunate that we were able to sit down with me and talk in a way that broke through. I realized that my paranoia was, indeed, true - and I was to blame for pushing people to that point. They really did not like me, respect me, nor wanted to work with me.
I have begun having conversations with my coworkers; Conversations that begin with my heartfelt apology. I have been an ass and now I know it. I have asked people to let me know if I should slip into my ass suit again.
I like my team and the department. I really like my job and the company. I, sincerely, hope that I have not damaged my relationships with these people beyond reconciliation. I hope to, someday, regain their trust and respect.
I was told recently, "Do the very best job you can, every day."
This is my new mantra.
Last year, I moved from being a consultant and technology analyst to being the infrastructure manager for a company. I quickly turned into an ass, discounting everyone's opinions as to what could be done to improve processes and increase the stability of the infrastructure. I would give only lip service to listening to their suggestions.
I was very afraid of the economic situation gripping the country and feared losing this good job I had recently found. My fear bred suspicion in every comment heard and the source of every suggestion made. If I lent credence to anyone else's opinion or idea, then my value would be diminished and there would be no reason to keep me. I was so afraid of losing my job that I forgot to do my job.
I have managed to alienate most of the people in my department. When my peer drew me into the conference room and unloaded on me that I was doing a very bad job, that no one liked working with me, whether on my team, other teams, or in the company at large, I refused to take responsibility for what they were telling me. Instead, I blamed them for exaggerating, further fueling my paranoia.
Recently, I realized that I was out of control and instead of launching a scathing eMail back in response to what I felt was an attack on my power and position, I asked someone else to look over the eMail and asked their opinion.
I was fortunate that we were able to sit down with me and talk in a way that broke through. I realized that my paranoia was, indeed, true - and I was to blame for pushing people to that point. They really did not like me, respect me, nor wanted to work with me.
I have begun having conversations with my coworkers; Conversations that begin with my heartfelt apology. I have been an ass and now I know it. I have asked people to let me know if I should slip into my ass suit again.
I like my team and the department. I really like my job and the company. I, sincerely, hope that I have not damaged my relationships with these people beyond reconciliation. I hope to, someday, regain their trust and respect.
I was told recently, "Do the very best job you can, every day."
This is my new mantra.
